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Kyrie Irving is missing - possibly gone to a a higher "astral realm"


Former-Celtic, Kyrie Irving is among the missing, and his past ramblings may lead us to believe his physical carcass has left this planet, previously-described by him as flat, but recognized by most physical beings as ellipsoid in shape.

Although Kyrie's physical form was not evident in the Nets game last night, his "astral" being may have been. Brooklyn won the contest, 122-109, versus the Philadelphia 76'ers. Nothing against Caris LeVert (22P/7R/10A), Joe Harris (28P/5R/4A) and Jarret Allen ((15P/11/R/3A), but Irving had to have some impact on the win. Just ask him - if you can find his "beyond physical existence" (per Sports.TheOnion.com):

“I know guys are worried about playing again, but we can take care by just projecting ourselves to a dimension beyond physical existence,” said Irving, who claimed that our bodies are only exposed to weakness, sickness, and death when we unquestioningly accept the stories we are told about this reality. “The coronavirus is not real, none of this is. It is only as real as we make it. Disease does not need to exist, foul trouble does not need to exist. If we all focus our minds and transcend to the next astral realm, we could easily finish the season free on these false constraints the world imposes on us.” 

At press time, Irving was struggling to determine where out of bounds would be if every player’s soul existed outside of their physical form.

I have written previously about Kyrie trying to convince media and NBA fans of his higher-level intellect. I have become convinced his cerebral faculties, unlike his "astral" being, have not risen to exospheric levels, at least not yet, 

I would suggest that Adam Silver investigate last night's Philly/Brooklyn game. We may have a violation of the 5-player-limit rule here. Irving's "other-dimensional" presence on the hardwood with five teammates would be a clear transgression of the rules.

NOTE: I still wish Kyrie Irving the best and hope that the "personal reasons" for missing last night's game are not of a serious or of a grave nature. But Steve Nash deserves better than this. If tragedy did strike, a phone call takes only a minute.

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