My grand daughter, Courtney, was born with a fatal illness, cystic fibrosis. She died at the age of 25, but not before she gave birth to my great grandson, Carson Thomas Lane - risking her own life to bring him into the world. This is her story. Carson turned 12 today. He told me, "I love my life"!
June 25, 2012 (Written by Courtney Lane)
What was supposed to be an amniocentesis, turned out to be
the day that I was induced.
See turns out that I wasn't sporadically pissing the bed,
my water had just sprung a leak and it would soon no longer be safe for Carson
inside me, because there was not enough amniotic fluid. They Assembled my team
of specialists to come in and speak to me about the induction process. I could
tell by the looks on their faces that this was not going to be an easy
conversation. But I'll be honest, it was a conversation I had already had 1000
times. The induction process was going to put a lot of strain on my body, and
there was a very good possibility that I wasn't going to make it out of this.
That even with pain control the force of the induced contractions would cause a
very large strain on my body, and that they would do all they could.
But I had known that from the moment I found out I was
pregnant with my son, they told me there was a very good chance that I would
not live to raise my child if this was a path that I decided to take. The
possibility of not making it through labor was very possible, and not living to
see my child live past a couple years old was an even bigger possibility. But
dying didn't scare me, my only worry was making sure that he made it into this
world happy and healthy. I've always been ready to go, because that's just part
of my life, but because of Carson I would get to leave behind the most amazing
gift that I could ever give to this world, a piece of me will still be here. He
was going to go on to do such great things, and here or not I was going to be
incredibly proud to be his mother. Throughout my pregnancy I underwent
surgery's, body modification, starvation, lots of pain, 6 months of a hospital
stay and I wouldn't take it back not for one second, because he is absolutely
everything.
31 hours of labor and I was finally ready to push. Carson
was out within five pushes.
I open my eyes and I get to see him and he was crying and
screaming and healthy. And it hit me that I had made it, I felt fine and I got
to hold my child. For a second... I felt my body and my bones go cold, I
couldn't stop shaking and I begged my mother to take my son. I remember not
being able to breathe and I remember my vision going and straining to try to
look at my child if that was the last thing I was going to see. A bunch of
people ran in but I couldn't see faces and all I could hear was she's bleeding
she's hemorrhaging. Then the voices started to go quiet and I realized I knew
what dying felt like. But I just wanted to see my son. I don't remember
anything after that. So I surmise that I probably passed out.
But what I do remember is waking up hours later and seeing
Carson wrapped up next to me. And I wasn't sure it was completely real so I
just sat up and looked at him. He was so quiet and so peaceful, but I still
felt so drained so I was so afraid to reach out and pick him up. So I sat there
and waited. And I watched you. When I finally felt comfortable enough and
confident enough I picked you up and I got to genuinely hold you for the first
time.
Everything that I went through in that eight months, I
would do again, a thousand times. Because everyone who's lives you've touched,
are better because of it.
Carson with his hero, Marcus Smart
Author's note: A major shout-out to former-Celtic, Marcus Smart, and the untold numbers of fine individuals out there that took the time and effort to make this young gentleman feel like he was an important part of our society - following the too-early death of his mom. I will never forget you.Carson and his mom as a youngster
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